I’m just so fucking sad

I’ve been doing my best to keep my chin up and to remind myself not to base my self worth on the opinions of others and that if they don’t see how great of a catch I am, then it is they who are the fools. So, I did the right thing. I called out the boy I was seeing on his bullshit games, he sheepishly admitted to it. I win, right? This time, no grovelling or moping. Friendship intact.

So, I did the right thing. But that doesn’t really stop me from being sad. Doesn’t fill the need for human contact nor does it fulfill my barren sex life. Isn’t there some happy medium? I’m trying to hard to keep telling myself that I’m worth it, but it can’t be 100% my fault that I feel so worthless. In the end, using people for single [self] serving relationships is kind of scummy, isn’t it? No wonder it hurts. I’m being dehumanized. Objectified into a soft pretty body to sleep next to. Ouch, man.

I really need to set my standards higher. But I am learning. Each gouge to the heart comes with a callous and some cunning. I guess I’m building up for something really great. At least I hope so. 

Promise yourself that you will not settle for anything less than you deserve. You deserve the world. You have so much love, kindness and care to give. You’re funny, intelligent, nerdy, creative, original, beautiful and a good fuck to boot. Grade A wife material. Anyone who doesn’t see that immediately and doesn’t seize that opportunity is a fucking fool and doesn’t deserve you. 

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